Let's talk about labyrinths—and I don't mean that weird David Bowie movie

I do mean thoughtful walking. Also does your Santa arrive in a helicopter, and does putting a fish on your head signal it's time to partay?

This week we’re diving into a theme of thoughtfulness—thoughtful walking, thoughtful presents, and one semi-thoughtful joke that no one laughed at. Maybe it wasn’t funny. Or maybe everyone needs to put a fish on their head and loosen up a little? Of course that doesn’t make sense right now. But it will.

Let’s go.

Things that make sense

Labyrinths per capita. Sometimes as Oregonians, it’s easy to get a little defensive. Because it’s not all Portlandia and people needing to know the name of the chicken that’s on the menu. We’re normal. We watch football. We like hot wings (as long the chicken had a good life). However, yesterday I ran past a new labyrinth in my neighborhood—the third labyrinth within walking distance of my house—and I had to reconsider the Portlandia of it all. Are you experiencing an influx of labyrinths in your area? If you live in an area with a low LPC (labyrinths per capita), let me explain. A labyrinth is a maze-like path, usually made out of rocks, that you can use for meditative walks or to encourage “reflection and connection,” per the parks department sign by this new one. I would love to think that there’s a direct correlation between the number of labyrinths in a neighborhood and the amount of people on Next Door livid about the existence of teenagers. In the meantime, I appreciate the focus on community thoughtfulness. When I was growing up, the parks department tossed up the tallest, hottest metal slide you’ve ever seen and was like “good luck” and “try not to touch the slide when you use it.” Maybe the rising LPC means that we’re raising a new generation of mindful, insightful people who are self-reflective and thoughtful. If so, let’s labyrinth.

This is labyrinth. Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash

Santa Bourne. If one end of today’s newsletter is about thoughtful walking, then the other end is about a thoughtful way to airdrop Santa right into the teaming heart of Christmas. Specifically, I’m referring to the fact that Santa arrives to the outdoor mall in my town by helicopter. When my kids were littler, we’d go wait in a field with hundreds of other people until we could see the Santa-copter flying toward us. It would circle above, with Santa waving from the window. In my mind, he was hanging out the door like Jason Bourne. But in reality, he stayed inside the chopper, which is less dramatic but more safe. Then the helicopter would land and the kids would swarm. One year when it was snowy, the rotor wash created a hurricane of snow—everyone was ducking and kids were screaming. And as Santa emerged out of blowing snow, I pretty I believed he was real again. It was over-the-top and magical. This year, we took my nephews to see Santa’s arrival. It’s been a few years since I’ve gone and the event has become a little more formal, with Search and Rescue volunteers roping off the landing spot and kids watching from further away. Still, as the chopper approached, everyone was stoked. Santa waved—from the window—and when he landed, I found myself tearing up. The holidays change as your kids grow, and ours are now less about Christmas magic and more about being together, sleeping in and eating good food. But I miss some of that wonder, and the thoughtful (and sometimes epic) magic that makes the holidays fun.

How does your Santa get to the mall?

The power of teen girls. My daughter’s Christmas list includes bullet points, pictures, links, and even instructions (“scroll all the way to the bottom”). The contents of the list are expected—clothes, jewelry, makeup, etc.—but the organization and level of detail rivaled my college capstone project. At first, I was under the impression that my daughter is uniquely gifted at list-making. But then I heard about similar lists from other girl moms, and I remembered a core truth: If you want something done, mobilize a group of teenage girls. Case in point: Last winter, my daughter and her friends coordinated an effort to support a family displaced by the war in Ukraine. Within minutes, the girls created a shared note, sent out group texts, and filled out a wish list of needs with the precision and efficiency of a military operation. Personal Christmas lists are a different kind of project. But rest assured, if you want something done quickly and thoughtfully, there’s one group that will make it happen.

Things that don’t make sense

When whimsy is a crime. I’m giving you a real taste of my town this week. We’ve recently experienced a rash of “crimes” that entail someone putting googly eyes on the public art in the middle of our roundabouts. Googly eyes on metal deer. Googly eyes on a big red bird. And my favorite, humongous googly eyes on a giant steel ball. If that happy ball asked to dinner, I would say yes. The city, however, has said that whoever is committing this act of whimsical vandalism needs to knock it off, primarily because the googly eye adhesive can damage the art. Officials added that dressing the statues up for holidays—scarfs for winter, flags in July, etc.—is also not allowed. I get it: lawmakers can’t encourage lawbreaking and I imagine the artists don’t appreciate additions to their creations. But also: people freaking love these googly eyes. One commenter said that, “These googly eyes give me the hope to move forward each day.”

That ball wants to be your friend. Just let him, for goodness sakes.

Salmon hats. Do you keep up on whale fashion? Because some of the orcas in the Puget Sound are swimming around with dead fish on their head. According to scientists, they used to do this in 1987 and now everyone is wondering whether “salmon hats” are back on trend. Some think it’s akin to the cool thing for young orcas to do. While others say it may be a sign that fish are plentiful and the whales are celebrating. Which brings me to the best quote of the week: “When one of them throws a fish on its head, that’s a social event.” I mean SAME orcas. SAME. If you’re at a party, and someone has a salmon ON THEIR HEAD, you know that things are about to get rowdy. I don’t know if wearing a fish as a hat while swimming makes sense. But putting one on your head to take everything up a notch sure does.

Do you know what’s hot right now? Photo courtesy of Ocean Wise (DFO Marine Mammal License, MML18) via CNN.

David Bowie’s Labyrinth. If you are an Elder Millennial or Gen Xer who saw the word “labyrinth” and immediately harkened back to the late 80s movie, I salute you. What was that movie about?? I just remember being confused and kind of scared. Also did we know that Jennifer Connelly was it? There were goblins and a farting swamp? Per Wikipedia, Labyrinth now has a cult-like following. The movie doesn’t make total sense to me, but that does.

What is happening in this movie?

Book things

Publication date celebration. A friend I met at a writing retreat is celebrating the publication of her first book today. It’s been awesome and inspiring to watch her progress—and watch the writing community rally around her with support. The process of writing and publishing is not for the faint of heart; it takes a long time and involves so much work. Which is why I love seeing authors celebrate their publication dates online and IRL. It’s truly an accomplishment! If you’re looking for a thriller to read this holiday break, order Saleema Ishq’s Sisters Arcana, a psychological thriller that explores sisterhood, grief, and the path to self-trust. It’s getting rave reviews from early readers.

It’s the season to be thoughtful. As you ready for the holidays this weekend, I hope you get some time to reflect, participate in some non-criminal whimsy, or you know, send it with a fishy headpiece.

Thanks for reading,

Kelly