Holiday movies with a heaping side of abs
Also the worst thing about Love Actually that no one talks about and a sinkhole metaphor that I think really works.
It’s the holiday season! And this year, that means Christmas movies with tons of hot shirtless dudes. I don’t make the rules. I just play the game. So let’s get into the latest genre of holiday flicks, look back an old favorite (?) and sprinkle in a few sinkholes, beige moms, and the fickle nature of book titles.
Will it come together OR will this whole newsletter dissolve into a crumbly pile of disappointment like the pie crust I made last weekend?
Time to find out.
Things that make sense
Christmas movie spice. When I was growing up, our choice of holiday-related movies were: The Muppets, that weird claymation Rudolph show, the one about angels getting wings, and Charlie Brown’s Christmas special. Sidenote: In the cartooniverse, is Charlie Brown actually Caillou’s older, just-as-whiny cousin? Discuss! Anyway, everything leveled up when the The Holiday and Love Actually proved that Christmas movies could also be rom-coms. Yes please. Then came the Hallmark movies, the Netflix Hallmark knock-offs, and the cinematic masterpiece that is The Christmas Prince series. I’m sorry but are you even ALIVE if you haven’t gone undercover to report a story about the royal family of Aldovia, fallen in love with the prince, gotten married in a castle, and then become a princess—all on your Christmas break? The genre continues to evolve and this holiday season, Netflix was like, “hmm, what’s missing in this smorgasbord of Christmas plots?” Their answer: rock hard abs. And skin. Specifically, I’m talking about Hot Frosty and Merry Gentlemen, which follow the expected tropes of falling in love at Christmas, but also include fewer shirts than you’d expect to see in a winter movie, or during winter at all. The “snowman” in Hot Frosty is not fluffy or round. He’s the vet from Schitt’s Creek, and now he’s jacked. However, rest assured: it’s not all about abs. In an interview with the movie’s writer, Hollywood Reporter noted that “the movie has its fun but [the] lead character, Cathy, is a widow and dealing with the grief of losing her husband. While Jack is faced with his own mortality constantly and life’s impermanence because, yes, he is a snowman.” That’s deep. Meanwhile, MovieWeb calls Merry Gentlemen “Netflix’s Shirtless Christmas Men Candy.” My head is spinning—I don’t even know what order those words are supposed to be in (Christmas Shirtless Candy Men?). But you know what: Bring it on. While I don’t know what this means for Christmas movies going forward, Hot Frosty is officially in the rotation at our house.
People who hate Love Actually. Enjoying Love Actually made sense when there were five Christmas movies (see above) and three of them were cartoons. That said, the 2003 holiday hit faces its annual criticism, and for good reason. There’s the well-covered territory that every single man in this movie is a horrible person. But of all the beefs people have about Love Actually, there’s one that deserves more attention: That is the fact that Mr. Darcy is writing his novel on a typewriter, even though it’s 2003 and computers were invented. And that he’s saving zero copies. And that he’s keeping his manuscript in a pile next to an open window by a pond. I’m sorry Aurelia, but maybe don’t marry such a nonchalant doof. Does he also store all of his money in basket next to the fireplace? Like most of that movie, this makes no sense. But I put it in the makes sense category because the continued commentary on Love Actually is top notch.
A little of a lot. We hosted a big Thanksgiving with 23 relatives visiting from all over the West Coast. I didn’t have enough silverware or glasses or beds. And I underestimated how much work it was to cook two turkeys, stuffing and a pie after a morning Turkey Trot. But everyone pitched in (h/t to my cousin Katie, who prepared two turkeys like a boss) and dinner eventually made it to the longest table I’ve ever dined at. The family was gracious, everyone said thanks, and multiple people noted that hosting a big holiday is “a lot.” I’ve been ruminating on “too much” and “a lot” this year because I often use those phrases as shorthand, gut-reaction reasons to say no to stuff. But increasingly, a lot of the things that are “a lot” are also the best. Core memories. Epic adventures. Big gatherings. To be sure, there are many things I don’t want a lot of: laundry, wrinkles, heartbreak, bananas. But this kind of a lot—a lot of family, a lot of togetherness, a lot of laughing, a lot of fun—is welcome and fleeting. For 2025, I’m trying to get as much of that kind of a lot as I can. I hope you do too.
Things that don’t make sense
Sinkholes. I was running with a friend a few weeks ago, when she told me that one of her biggest fears was sinkholes. I have to admit that I haven’t put much thought into sinkholes. I have other statistically improbable fears—a snake coming out of my toilet, a mouse inside my shoe—but sinkholes weren’t on the radar. However, as if on cue, the Washington Post served up a story about a grandma in Pennsylvania who went looking for a cat and disappeared. The authorities believe she fell into a sinkhole, and I’m now officially freaked out. How deep are sinkholes? Why can’t they just look in there and pull her out? Also where does it go?? I have questions. It doesn’t make sense. Watch where you step.
Grief stages. Can we connect the dots between big families, scary illnesses, holidays and sinkholes? Do shirtless men come into play? Walk with me, but keep your head on a swivel. My family has been navigating the past few holidays with a new factor: my mom and her Alzheimer’s disease. Some moments are sad. Others are hilarious. A lot are routine. What was new for me this holiday was a little bit of anger. My mom was a trained chef and for most of my adult life, she had answers to every cooking question I ever had. Other people had food bloggers and The Food Channel. But I called my mom. When is meat done? What if I don’t have baking powder? Why is this cake still liquid? You get it. However, this Thanksgiving I didn’t how to cook the turkeys and the sides and have everything be ready at the same time like mom was so good at doing. She was there, but I couldn’t ask her advice. And instead of being sad, I felt pissed. Not at her. Just at the situation. A little rage (don’t worry, I didn’t unleash it on anyone) on an otherwise lovely day. I get the stages of grief, but they don’t seem to be linear. They feel more like sinkholes: unexpected, opening up at random times, and potentially without a bottom. Lacey Chabert, the widow in Hot Frosty, probably has thoughts (did it). And other people who have been through similar things can confirm. If you’ve lost a loved one, or find yourself in that process, big hugs.
Beige mom shaming. People: There is a headline on CNN right now that says, “Beige moms aren’t harming their children with their muted tastes.” Phew. To catch you up, beige mom refers to the trend of using natural colors and organic items for your kids. There are Instagram and Tik Tok accounts dedicated to both roasting “sad beige moms” and diving deep into their psyches. Fine. Often funny. But if we take a step back, do we need to make moms feel bad for their color choices and aesthetic, whatever that may be? Don’t moms feel bad enough already, without bringing in child development experts to examine whether they’re harming their children with too much “beige”? To question whether we’ve provided children with an adequate spectrum of colors for optimal development—in addition to an adequate amount of everything else needed for surviving and thriving? The scientific answer is that beige is fine. But it’s the asking of the question that kills me. That is precious brain space that moms—all parents actually—can use for more important things. As a Mom™, I can tell you that there are million things to worry about when it comes to raising kids and Big Parenting is inventing more everyday. But the amount of colors or neutral tones your child is exposed to is not one. Thank you. Beige on or not. Byeeee (Puts beige soapbox away).
Book things
Title changes. Lots of authors say that one of the hardest things to select for their books is the title, and that it’s common for book titles to change a few times as the project progresses. You want something unique and memorable and representative of your work. I had a few people suggest I change the title of my book at the Kauai Writer’s Conference. My book was called Failure to Thrive (more than one person thought it was about babies, but it’s not), and now it’s called Talented and Gifted. It’s no Hot Frosty (I saw a comedian suggest an alternative title for that movie: Jacked Frost). But it feels good.
That’s it for this week. I hope your weekend is chock full of hot snow people that come to life to help you with house projects, as much beige as you want, and a lot of whatever brings you joy (Shirtless Men Christmas Candy?).
Thanks for reading,
Kelly
I don't know how you've strung these topics together in such a fun and meaningful way, but I laugh and feel touched every time I read your sub. LOVE!
Still have never seen "Actual Love" or whatever that movie is called. And yes, sink holes are a legit fear - especially in FL. Come visit...